It was a rather dark night off the coast of Vietnam, we were conducting recovery  flight operations aboard the USS Midway (CVA-41) in late October 1972, I was on the flight deck, on my knees having just crawled under one of our F-4′s as I was conducting a post-flight inspection.  I remember there was odd, loud and unusual sound, it was all wrong, I turned my head toward that sound and saw what today remains in my mind as a “frozen in time” image of the wrong part, the side, of an A-6 intruder, it was going too fast and it kind of sideways, but more importantly at the moment it was heading towards me with fire, lots of fire, as I turned and started to scramble, the feeling of getting hit hard by something from behind was there, a bright flash, I couldn’t breathe, something was trapping or holding me down, I was dying, the heat was so intense, I couldn’t get up, I was trapped, I was going to die, the terror was overwhelming, and still is overwhelming at times. Why is this happening? Somehow I am now on the deck in a passageway; someone is shaking me and asking if I needed a medic. I hear general quarters sounding; I have to get to the hanger bay, hurry, hurry we are being attacked! But wait, something is weird, now I am standing in some sort of an odd line in the galley, I still have my flight deck gear on, one of my gloves is missing, the sleeve of my shirt is torn, and some unknown guy is holding my arm; this is crazy, people lying on the deck, others running, kneeling, yelling?  As I gather my thoughts, I begin to remember what had happened and I look around at what was going on,  I see and hear pain, I see hurt, I recognize damage where damage shouldn’t be! There is an odd smell in the air, it was thick! I can smell burnt things, things that shouldn’t be burnt; Jet fuel seems to be all over everything, including me! My face, right hand and arm feels hot, my back and head is beginning to throb, Yet as I stand, watching and feeling all these things, I remember saying to myself, I shouldn’t be here, I’m not that bad, I need to get back to work, so I step out of line and walked away. I don’t ever want to go back to that moment in time, but to this day things, sounds smells happen that makes my mind take that unwanted trip!

The hair on my right arm, back of my hand and part of my sideburns and mustache were singed, I had what I would call a really good sunburn in those areas, my back was bruised and sore, my knees, elbows and right side were scraped up a little, but I was one of the really lucky one, there were five dead and somewhere around thirty with serious injuries. But we were at war, we still had to get the job done after that night and we did the job that was asked of us! I know that there were many that returned from that terror filled part of the world that had and still suffer a lot more than I did and I pray and thank them every single day.  But on this day, I sadly remember and give my heartfelt thanks to those that never had the opportunity to relive their terrors from that time of their life.

I have, in some contrivance, reconciled with the thoughts and memories of that night! Yet in other ways I haven’t! Because it seems, at times, these thoughts and memories become more and more intense and controlling as time goes by, but what the hell, I’ll just suck it up and get over it, right? That is what I was told to do by some piece of excrement while drinking a beer at the “acey-doucey” at NAS Miramar, California after he asked me why I was being so quite!  Yeah, it’s true I got kicked out of the club that night after spending some time explaining things to the Shore Patrol, but at this moment it sure makes me feel better knowing that he was the one that had to get up off the floor after his eyes uncrossed!

But you know that statement by that one person seems to personify one of the hardest things for me to get over till this very day. Our treatment by and the mindset of those at home when we came back! Still hurt like, you know the simple things, like the girl in the long white dress with the crown of flowers in her hair and her friends giving us a much appreciated and thoughtful welcome home, or the guy that fired me the day he hired me after learning that I was a Veteran of Vietnam, or maybe the WWII vet at the Temple VA Hospital that told me, as I set in a wheelchair unable to walk because of a back injury I suffered while in  combat zone, that I needed to leave the hospital because the room was needed from veterans of a “real” war, or the fact that I wasn’t allowed to join the VFW for 12 years because Vietnam wasn’t considered a War by the current leaders of the VFW! I could go on and on about how nice things were said to and about us, you know sweet things like “baby killing, murdering, rapist” when we returned home! But really what good would it do, no one cared then and not very many truly cares about all that now!

So I truly hope that you will understand why no matter how many times I get told today by the people from that era and before, “thanks for your service” or “thanks for your sacrifice”, I feel just a little bit of “to hell with you” attitude. Sorry, but I somehow feel that after having to wait all those years before hearing those words, and then coming from many of the same ones that provided or that were witness to the treatment and did or said nothing, it just seems to a little hollow sounding! For so many long years, over thirty as a matter of fact, no one actually gave a little-itsa-bitsy-tinnie shit about what we went through both during and after our war and even with the knowledge that we were only doing what we were asked to do by our country!

Well, you finally heard or should I say, read my story! But please don’t feel bad for me; I am proud of what I did and went through to support my country in a time of need. All I ask is just make sure you can say the same thing about yourself and your actions from this day forward! And please give thanks, as I do every single day, for those who are not here to hear those late but appreciated words of gratitude for their total and never to be forgotten service to our great nation. God Bless America!